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Life on the Front Burner
by Louise Morganti Kaelin

How many times in your life have you had to put something
'on the back burner', letting an idea or a project simmer
in the background while you focused on something else? How
often were the things that went on the back burner your
personal hopes, dreams or needs while you concentrated on
the hopes, dreams or needs of someone else? There is nothing
wrong with that decision and in some cases it can be
admirable. However, it's not commendable if your personal
needs never come to the fore-front.

During the safety instructions on an airplane, we are
instructed to put the mask over our own mouth first, and
then on our child's. Why? The reason is simple -- if we are
knocked unconscious there will be no one to look after the
child, putting them at greater risk than the risk they face
in the few moments it takes to put our own mask on. The
wisdom of this is readily apparent once we stop and think
about it. It's also good advice to take forward into all
areas of our lives.

For many years, I put the needs of others first. As I
evolved personally, I came to understand that it was okay -
healthier, even - to put my needs equal to the needs of
others. In fact, it is how I now define the word
'selfish', and use the term 'self-centered' for someone
determined to live as though the world revolves around them.


Even with that advanced understanding, however, I still
didn't take care of myself as much as I needed. That
included delaying doctors' appointments or working past the
exhaustion point because someone else needed me (or I
thought they did). Even though I felt my needs were equal to
the needs of others, the reality is that 90% of the time I
still opted to take care of others before myself. This
isn't bad, either, because for the most part these were
conscious choices I made. Unfortunately, there has been a
physical and emotional cost that becomes harder and harder
to bounce back from.

Today I have a new understanding, one that suggests that, in
fact, I need to opt for myself more than 10% of the time.
However, I'm still basically someone who likes to give and
I like that about myself, so it's really important for me
not to become that 'self-centered' person I described
earlier. And that brings me to the concept of choosing to
put me on the front burner, to live on the front burner.

This analogy is really appropriate for me. I think it works
because I still am a person who cares for others. So, while
I may have neglected myself on the back burner, I find that
I do not neglect others back there. The result is that I am
truly taking care of myself and caring for others at the
same time, for the first time in my life. Sometimes we just
need the right analogy or framing for an idea to really take
hold. This 'front burner' idea is perfect for me. In fact,
I now keep the tea kettle on the front burner on the stove.
This way, every time I walk into the kitchen I am reminded
of this shift in my thinking and it helps me remain focused
and clear about this positive new action and change in my
life.

Where in your life have you been putting yourself on the
back burner and forgetting about you? Are you a harried
parent, juggling work and family? An over-conscientious
leader or manager? Oldest sibling? Youngest sibling? Caught
between aging parents and developing children? No matter how
overwhelmed you might be feeling, it is possible to find
some moments of time just for yourself. The key is
remembering that there are very few true either/or
situations. You truly get to take care of yourself and
handle your responsibilities to others. Make a conscious
decision to live YOUR life on the front burner!

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